It’s easy to love someone with ADHD when you don’t live with them. But when your life partner has it, it’s a different deal. When I work with couples in counseling, sometimes I bump into this. Arguments, resentments, power struggles and distance can sometimes be traced to undiagnosed or misunderstood ADHD. How many of these […]
Category Archives: Relationships
Distracted Driving is Bad Enough We hear a lot about the dangers of distracted driving. But what about “criticized driving”? I’d like to see some statistics on that. Behind money, household chores and sex, I would have to say that driving is probably right up there near the top when it comes to couples complaints […]
Are You The Only One Trying? You know it’s bad when one person in a relationship seems to be doing all the work. How frustrating to know in your bones that life could be happier if only you could get some cooperation. On the other hand, maybe your husband won’t come to counseling. What to […]
Tired of Talking About What To Have For Dinner? You hear plenty of talk about how sex sometimes goes downhill in marriage. But not enough is said about conversation. This problem of having “nothing to talk about” was summed up really well in an episode of Seinfeld, in which Kramer explained to Jerry the pitfalls […]
Is fear of being seen as “selfish” keeping you from a healthy relationship? Often times we know exactly what we want, but we are very afraid. We’re afraid of being rejected, of being criticized, or of being alone. The worst part about this is that we are right. I may very well not get what […]
Ever wonder why you can’t seem to find relationships where you are treated as well as you want to be treated? Maybe you’ve had a series of mismatches. Or maybe you’re in one long relationship that is somehow promising and lonely at the same time. Is this you? If so, there is a way better […]
Have you ever had the feeling that you know everything there is to know about your husband (boyfriend, wife, whatever)? What if there was a magic potion you could take to reverse that? To bring a sense of “Vuja De” into your life? I would define it for you, but it will be more fun […]
You Can Spot Contempt Easily The eye roll. It’s probably the biggest indicator that things are not going well in a relationship. Try it: look away from the screen, fold your arms, frown, and roll your eyes like you’ve just heard the stupidest thing in the world. Now what if that “stupidest thing” were your […]
Communication, Counseling/Therapy, Marriage, Relationships
Communication Problems Series, Part 2: Defensiveness
A Sneaky Problem Defensiveness is a big stumbling block to great communication because it’s so sneaky. You can’t really see it very well unless you’re on the receiving end of it. When we accidentally hurt someone, it seems so logical to explain how innocent we are. “I didn’t mean it!” or “I didn’t mean it […]
What Are We Talking About? One difficulty with targeting “communication” as a problem in relationships is that the subject is just much too broad. So we have poor communication. So what? What does it even mean, and what can we do about it? A lot, it turns out. When we can zero in on exactly what is going […]