Chicago Couples Therapy

Chicago Couples Therapy

So Tired of the Same Arguments? Need Help With Your Marriage or Relationship? It Can Be Better!

Too many months and years can go by with:

• Constant arguing
• Feeling misunderstood and criticized
• Not even feeling like friends anymore
• Feeling lonely even when you’re together
• Broken promises, half-hearted apologies or the “silent treatment”
• Less and less affection, sex, even conversation without conflict
• Things seem better and then you realize it was just temporary. In fact, they seem to slowly get worse

The list could go on and on, and meanwhile you have lost the feeling you had when you chose this person in the first place. Where did the joy go?

Your relationship should be a source of support, joy, and strength. Life is always going to have stressors. But when it’s the person you love that’s usually the source of stress, something’s wrong.

That’s where counseling comes in. Counseling works.

• Break through communication blocks and truly resolve conflict
• Get the tools you need to resolve things without all the arguing
• Eliminate hours, days, weeks of anger and silence
• Have fun, conversation, sex and affection again

You haven’t been able to figure this out yourself, but I can help.  One session will open your eyes to new possibilities as I work to show you the patterns you may not even recognize you’ve fallen into.  An “outside” perspective can make a huge difference.

When you have an experienced third party in the room, things can really change. Probably the most important thing a good counselor offers couples is a another pair of eyes and ears. To translate what you can’t get each other to hear. And offering a a quiet, safe space where each person is heard and honored.

The problem with putting off the solution is, things tend to get worse. Getting help early can spell the difference between just tolerating each other and feeling truly connected. It can also help you reverse course and avoid losing the relationship altogether.

Ask yourself: what’s likely to happen if nothing changes?

How Does Couples Counseling Work?

Couples counseling works by providing structure, along with guidance to work on resolving your disagreements. It helps you zero in on what you’re missing.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) offers a structured approach. It helps you understand what’s happening inside your relationship. Your emotions are often a guide that tells you what is important in a situation. They guide your behavior and decision-making in general, and especially with your partner. EFT focuses on helping recognize your underlying feelings. Then it gives you tools for expressing them effectively, and for choosing actions that have a positive impact. Communication becomes more clear and helpful.

Therapy using Gottman techniques helps couples to practice new ways of communicating. It’s a very clear and reliable way to learn to fight fair, resolve longstanding problems and focus on reconnecting with fun, affection, and all the good stuff that brought you together.

The Lasting Impact of Marriage Counseling with Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy

The overwhelming majority of couples who enter EFT therapy (and stick with it) find lasting improvements. Even more exciting is that with this kind of counseling, couples continue to improve long after finishing therapy. Why? Because it doesn’t only target your “problems” — it targets your patterns. It targets the WAY you look at problems, and each other. When these improve, you can tackle old and new problems in a better way.

Once you truly understand yourself and your partner better, you can “unlearn” the problem patterns. An outside set of eyes can help you see what is happening, in a nonjudgmental way, so that you can make positive changes. No one should have to settle for living a life that keeps hurting, over and over. The hopelessness that sets in when your relationship hurts can make you feel helpless. But quite often it’s not “should I stay or go?” but “what would make me feel good about staying?” Asking the right questions and finding new answers can lead you to a better place.