Category Archives: Communication

What is your argument REALLY about?

Why do we keep having stupid arguments? Death by a thousand cuts – that’s what those recurring, seemingly insignificant arguments might be doing to your relationship. Clients so often tell me, “We argue about the stupidest things!” Well, maybe. Or, maybe what you are actually arguing about is something else, something important, but you are […]

Tell-Tale Signs Of Trouble: Predicting Divorce

It’s not that hard to predict divorce. It’s actually fairly easy.  What’s hard is recognizing when you are in the “danger zone” and, harder still, to do something about it.  Just because you have the symptoms of a troubled marriage does not mean there is no cure.  Couples therapy, workshops, retreats, books, and even helpful […]

What’s a Love Language and Why You Should Care

Hidden Misunderstandings It’s possible you can love someone and they don’t feel it.  Or vice versa. This can be hard to understand, and too often we find out years, decades, a whole lifetime too late. The idea is captured in a popular book titled “Five Love Languages,” by author Gary Chapman.  It’s a great tool for […]

Are You Being Gaslighted?

It Starts With A Lie Have you ever felt like someone was trying to cover up a lie by making you think you were crazy?  It could be a friend, a spouse, a coworker, or anyone you deal with on a regular basis.  Did it make you question yourself?  Deliberately trying to make someone think […]

Are You A Backseat Driver? Or Are You Plagued By One?

Distracted Driving is Bad Enough We hear a lot about the dangers of distracted driving.  But what about “criticized driving”?  I’d like to see some statistics on that.  Behind money, household chores and sex, I would have to say that driving is probably right up there near the top when it comes to couples complaints […]

When Your Husband Won’t Come To Counseling

Are You The Only One Trying? You know it’s bad when one person in a relationship seems to be doing all the work.  How frustrating to know in your bones that life could be happier if only you could get some cooperation.  On the other hand, maybe your husband won’t come to counseling. What to […]

When You Have Nothing To Talk About

Tired of Talking About What To Have For Dinner? You hear plenty of talk about how sex sometimes goes downhill in marriage.  But not enough is said about conversation.  This problem of having “nothing to talk about” was summed up really well in an episode of Seinfeld, in which Kramer explained to Jerry the pitfalls […]

Communication Problems Series, Part 4: Stonewalling

Is This You? Have you ever felt like ignoring a problem until it goes away?  It’s a great idea if you have a minor pain, maybe, or a difficult coworker you hardly ever see.  But some problems just get worse and worse.  They multiply like mold growing in a damp place in your home, or […]

Communication Problems Series, Part 3: Contempt

You Can Spot Contempt Easily The eye roll.  It’s probably the biggest indicator that things are not going well in a relationship.  Try it:  look away from the screen, fold your arms, frown, and roll your eyes like you’ve just heard the stupidest thing in the world.  Now what if that “stupidest thing” were your […]