Why do we keep having stupid arguments? Death by a thousand cuts – that’s what those recurring, seemingly insignificant arguments might be doing to your relationship. Clients so often tell me, “We argue about the stupidest things!” Well, maybe. Or, maybe what you are actually arguing about is something else, something important, but you are […]
Category Archives: Counseling/Therapy
“If nothing changes, nothing changes.” I don’t know who first said that, but it challenges one of the biggest obstacles to a better life: waiting. Some people call it “hope” — hoping things will get better — without a plan. Other people call it fear — holding on to what you have because change sounds […]
Taking Sides? How is it possible not to “take sides” when working with a couple in therapy? I get that question from time to time. It’s understandable. If I want to go to a “neutral third party” to work on a problem, the “neutral” part is important. After all, working on a relationship is about […]
There is a time and a place for everything, including ignoring things. Don’t sweat the small stuff. I’ll agree with that. But I definitely do not think “it’s all small stuff.” If you ignore some problems they get bigger and bigger and worse and worse. But it happens so slowly so you don’t even really […]
One Person In Counseling Can Make A Difference Individual counseling can be a great way to help your relationship. That can mean the one you have now, or the one you are looking for. Why is that? Because you are fully half of every relationship you are in. Make improvements in 50% of a relationship, […]
Communication, Counseling/Therapy, Marriage, Relationships
Communication Problems Series, Part 2: Defensiveness
A Sneaky Problem Defensiveness is a big stumbling block to great communication because it’s so sneaky. You can’t really see it very well unless you’re on the receiving end of it. When we accidentally hurt someone, it seems so logical to explain how innocent we are. “I didn’t mean it!” or “I didn’t mean it […]
How Do I Know If Couples Counseling Will Help? Making the decision to pick up the phone and call in a third party to help with your marriage is a pretty big step, and a weird one for many of us. It can feel like defeat. It’s as though asking for help is admitting […]
Foot Dragging When couples first come to me for counseling, it is not unusual for the very first problem to be this: one person doesn’t want to be there. (It’s usually but not always a man, so for clarity’s sake I’ll use a man in this example.) The relationship is not working, something has been […]